CHARACTERISTICS OF AN ORIGINAL MBUM MARRIAGE

CHOICE OF PARTNER

PARENTAL CONCERN AND GUIDANCE

            In view of the importance attached to marriage, parents brought up their children to the age of maturity with this concept in mind. They taught them lessons of self–control, endurance, honesty, faithfulness, respect for elders, and obedience to parental instructions, sense of cooperation, etc. Besides verbal instructions given to their children on these virtues, their own life–style was a shining example. Children on their part responded with strict obedience and respect to parental instruction, education and guidance. Young men prepared themselves for marriage by building their own houses, no matter how small they were, because you could not get married, still living with your parents. Their own houses too, were small (usually only one or two rooms) girls remained faithful, hardworking, courteous, involved in child care, farming and cooking activities, etc.

            When the time for the choice of a life partner came, parental guidance and approval had to be sought. Parents were very concerned about the families to which their sons and daughters had to be married. They would accept their son or daughter to be engaged to somebody in a family whose members lacked comportment and good behaviour.

            Some times too, a certain parent would voluntarily give his daughter to a young man of another family for marriage either because of his own good behaviour or because of that family’s comportment. The word “Give” here does not in any case imply that marriage formalities and transactions would be omitted. It simply meant that love and good will had been demonstrated between the two families through this act. Marriage transactions on the man’s side and the beneficiaries on the woman’s side were the concern of every member of those two families (not even limited only to the nuclear family but to the extended family at large.)

            This was a great controlling factor to the partners from the time of their engagement up to their married life as any misbehaviour by any of them would invite the intervention and sanction of the entire family (families).